Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix - Final Play

Narrator: How many times has this ever happened to you?

Bob: [settling into couch] Woo-hoo! Super Bowl Sunday! I got the beer, the chips, and for some halftime entertainment, Madden 2006 is ready to go. I can’t wait for the guys to get h—

Jane: Just what do you think you’re doing?

Bob: It’s Super Bowl Sunday! Woo-hoo!

Jane: But you’ve still got to pick up Billy from basketball practice, take out the garbage, and make sure the walk is shoveled so my mother doesn’t break her neck when she comes to visit tomorrow.

Bob: But…but…I thought it was your turn to pick up Billy! And your mother was just here, what, yesterday?

Jane: [scowls and shakes head] Mom hasn’t visited for over two months.

Narrator: Unfair division of labor in the household? Unable to determine whose job is whose? Well now there’s Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix. Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix is the perfect solution to all your marital woes. Can’t remember whose turn it is to get up with the baby? Have a dance off and the winner gets to go back to bed! Stressed after a long day at work? Nine out of ten marriage therapists agree that you should dance your troubles away with Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix.

The scenario above may be a bit of an exaggeration, but competing with friends and family for the high score in DDR:MM sure is a fun way to pass time. After my harrowing, breathless, dehydrating experiences of the last week, it was a blast to take a breather when it was my opponent’s turn to dance and heckle them from the sidelines. Getting another set of feet involved also caused some brainstorming that led to new side games. For example, when we bring this to Captain Christmas, our family’s annual holiday games competition, next year, we’ll be awarding style points for best above-knee dancing, as well as a prize to the person who can best imitate the animations of Mario dancing, as judged by the collected relatives. I expect Aunt Edna to play the role of the stingy and unpredictable Lithuanian judge. Knowing my relatives’ competitive streaks, I also expect bribery to play a big role in the awarding of points.

When I wasn’t humiliating friends and family, I was busy unlocking the rest of the songs and minigames. As I played through story mode to find the final missing pieces, things got very challenging. There were all sorts of new rhythms that kept me on my toes (pun intended) and several pieces that were essentially one big non-stop, beginning-to-end run of arrows. The final song in Story mode was unpredictable in its rhythm to the point of chaos, and there were parts that were pretty much beatless. This rhythmless feature was carried to its absurd extreme when I found a fifth difficulty level in free mode called Super Hard that opened up after you cleared a song on Very Hard. In dancing on this aptly named difficulty level, you had to forget what you were hearing and rely on your eyes. I was even tempted to turn off the music because the rhythm of the arrows seemed to have very little to do with that of the music. This was a big change from relying on feeling the rhythm up until this point, and my knees started to hurt from frantically slamming them into the ground while trying to keep up. I hope my health insurance covers gaming-related injuries.

Though some will find it too cutesy, I have to say that I absolutely loved this game’s use of music and sound. As a huge fan of bands like End, Soul Coughing, and Fantômas, that sample sounds from television cartoons and integrate them into the music, I loved hearing so many familiar Mario sounds worked in throughout this game. From the predictable coin chimes of Super Mario Bros. to the rhythmic use of Jumpman’s (Mario’s) feet and the jumpy things from the elevator level of Donkey Kong, I reminisced of gaming days past while boogieing the night away. They also managed to collect and adapt a good series of songs from Nintendo games, including one from the Famicon Disk System. All in all, this game excelled in its level of fun and music, which, in my opinion, are the places a dancing game should excel.

Narrator: That’s right, folks. If you call now for Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix, you too can have all marital bliss, all the time. Call now!

Disclaimer Voice: [hurriedly] Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix accepts Visa, Mastercard, and Discover. Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix not associated with Two Brothers Plumbing. Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix accepts no responsibility for you looking foolish.